Monday, 25 July 2011

The Funny Side Of Banky W

Mr Strong Thing, Banky W, Writes On Caffeine, Monkey And Stubborn Rat In The EME Crib. Banky W is one of the few naija celebs that blogs. And trust me, he does it well. I'm sure you will enjoy his latest post cos its quite humorous. And you just wonder if truely all these happened in Banky's crib (where the EME Boyz stay).The Home to your boys WizKid, Skales, and I, as well as a few other people (managers, pa's, friends, etc) who would CLAIM they don't live here (*side eye*) has some serious issues to tackle. One of which is caffeine addiction.

The caffeine dependency in my house is alarming. You name it, they drink it… like it's going out of style. Coffee, Redbull and/or all energy drinks; Coca cola, Pepsi etc. They're so hooked
on it; you'd think it was crack. Mind you, I don't drink coffee.
I also only drink Coke/Redbull when I'm mixing it with Hennessy (but that's a different addiction story for another time). One evening, I sent for a few thousand Naira worth of coke and Redbull. By noon the next day, it was totally finished. And I didn't touch ONE can. I'm just saying.

The other issue we have is that… how do I even start to say this? There's a rat that gets high off of cooking gas in our crib. I s**t you not. We've done everything to kill/capture/paralyze this rat, but it's not working.
And the only thing it seems to actually enjoy is eating a hole in the pipe that connects the gas cylinder to the stove and then just gets high off the gas. At least 4 or 5 times we've had to replace this pipe; so much so now that we've started inserting the pipe inside a metal rod to keep the rat from having its way. Sooner or later, I vow that this rat will meet its demise.
The last time I woke up to find the kitchen filled with gas fumes I just started randomly screaming 'COME OUT AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN!!!!' with rat poison in my hands. We've tried rat gum,
poison etc.
At this point my only hope is that it one
day dies from a drug overdose. I wish I was joking about this.
One fun thing about the house is that we have pet monkeys. Technically, they don't really belong to us. We live in a very nice estate, but on the backside of
the estate is a swampy/forest-type land where the monkeys live. So they take the liberty of walking on top of the fences/walls of all the houses without a
care in the world. I guess they feel like they own the place.
Anyway, the people in my house started
occasionally feeding the main monkey in charge (whom we named Emma, short for Emmanuel, after our cook). One night, cook Emma hooked up Monkey
Emma with some correct dinner before locking up and going home.
The next morning, Monkey Emma
showed up at the back of my house with SEVEN other monkeys of different shapes and sizes. Literally, their whole clan was there talking 'bout 'aiyyo whats up with breakfast…'. They still pop by every once in a while for food.
I keep warning the house that one day
they'll just decide to break into the house and take off with our fridge but nobody listens to me.... 

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